Sunday, January 17, 2010

Getting things rolling

Since the beginning of the month we have filled out and submitted our application, completed the health inspection, prepared for the fire inspection (hopefully that will be soon), and have attended one of two classes that are required through our agency (the other is on the 30th). It really feels like things are moving along I try to get everything done that the agency asks of us in hopes that the sooner I do it the sooner we become a family.

As the process drives on I have more and more conflicting emotions. I still feel somewhat robbed that we have not been able to have a biological child. I feel angry when I see parents that are abusing their children or do not seem to appreciate the gift that they have. I know in my heart I am meant to be a mommy but I sometimes wonder if I am truly ready for it. I remember having the same feelings when I was pregnant. We tried so hard to get to that point then I would freak out thinking how I was going to be responsible for someone else.

We are looking forward to February. We have been told that if we can get our fire inspection turned in soon that we could be on the list for a February home study which means that we could very well be approved by the end of Feb or beginning of March!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Making the decision

After 7 failed pregnancies and only receiving explanations from Dr's on half of them we have decided to adopt. Sure there is a chance we could still have our own biological child but how many times do our hearts have to break before they can start to fill with love. In 2009 we lost 3 babies.

In March of 2009 I was 16 weeks pregnant with our son Caleb. The Dr's realized that Caleb had a very severe case of Amniotic Band Syndrome and would never be able to live outside of me considering the amount of abnormalities that he had. On top of that the pregnancy was causing health issues for me and the Dr's said it was best to take him. That was the hardest day of my life. I really thought that Caleb was the one we were going to bring home. In a way we did. We found a wonderful funeral home in Houston that cremated him and he is now here at home with us in his beautiful urn sitting over the fire place.

In September I got pregnant again only to lose the baby at 5 weeks. Imagine my surprise when the very next month I got pregnant again. I had a good feeling about this one and everyone around us was sure that in July 2010 we would be bringing this baby home with us. I started getting a baby belly around 7-8 weeks which I was sure was a good sign that the little one was making room.

On Dec 17th at 10 weeks I just had a feeling something was wrong. I went into the Dr and they could not find a heartbeat. I was devastated. How could this be happening again, we did everything right this time. The next day I had the D&C, so much for a Merry Christmas.

Sam and I had talked about adoption before but when we inquired about it we were told that being dual military would not be a very desirable placement for a baby. This news was like a stabbing pain. If we could not have our own and we could not adopt until I got out of the Army in a couple years how would we become a family?

That last inquiry was back in 2008 and after bringing up the subject to Sam again we have decided to try to adopt again. This time we are going to try to adopt out of the foster care system here in Texas. We have already started working with an agency in Austin who does not think that our being in the military will negatively affect our chances of adopting. There is so much to do but we are ready.

I am excited to think that by this time next year we could be a family! We already have some practice with adoption. We currently have 5 fur babies (cats) that we have adopted over the years. We also do foster work for our local no-kill animal shelter and we have 2 fosters with us as well. I am hoping to find the fosters homes very soon so we can start to make room for a new child!