Saturday, May 8, 2010

A lazy Saturday

As I sit here writing this Clayton is rolling on the floor pulling papers off of the coffee table yelling "ah baba baba baba" and smilling and Caleb is rolling around in what used to be a new stack of diapers having a grand 'ole time. Both of them are quite moble these days and this morning they both are putting a big smile on my face and a small tear in my eye. These are the moments I have dreamed of for years, and finally they are here for me to cherish.

I can not tell you all how much they have grown and progressed in the short time we have had them. Their personalities just shine through and we just absolutley love spending time with them. When we started the adoption process I often wondered if we could truly love a child or children that I did not give birth to, well I am here to tell you that yes, yes we can. Sam and I love these boys more than anything in this world. It's going to break our heart when they end up leaving our home and I will think about them for the rest of our life. I pray that the time that they spend with us makes a difference in their life. We love you Clayton and Caleb.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

We got placed!!

On 24 March I was driving home from work and got a call from our agency about a set of 6mo old twin boys that needed an emergency placement. I called Sam and asked if he was willing to do this and he said YES! Less than 3 hours later Caleb and Clayton were at our house. Having only the nursery done at this point I was soon in the truck heading to Target to get a little bit of everything to last us for at least a couple days until I could get more time to shop.

It's been almost three weeks since we have had the boys here with us and I can truly say that we are already in love. I have to admit going from zero children to two in a flash was not an easy thing. The first week was a lot of learning and some frustrations. Thank god I had Sam here to lean on and even shed a few tears in private.

We were really hoping on adopting these two. It seemed like fate as Caleb is the same name of our sweet boy who became an angel on 13 March 2009. He would have been due in Aug of 2009 and these boys were born not long after that. However, after attending the first court date of their birth mother it seems that adoption is not going to be an option for these two, at least not with us. We have only 18 months left here in TX (or at least that is what branch is telling us) before were are moved to another post. They will most likely be returned to their mother or in the system for a lot longer than what we have left here.

It truly breaks our hearts to think of letting them go. I try to have faith and think why they would have been brought in our lives just to leave. The first thing that comes to mind is perhaps to prepare us. Sam was initally open to only one little one but last week we submitted on another sibling group. A little girl and her baby brother. I think that without having the boys Sam may have been a little more reluctant to agree on submitting on a sibling group. Now he see's that we can do it, that it can be a lot of fun and especially now that we have all the "equipment" needed for two little ones!

No matter how long they are here for we are going to love them like they were our own. We can already see such a difference in how they interact and what they can do from when they first showed up. I just have to believe that all this is happening for a reason.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Our Nursery

We wanted to share some pics of our nursery. As I mentioned in our prior post we are still waiting on our window treatments and Sam is going to get me a rocker/glider so I have a special space to have reading time with our little one, but for the most part it's done!

We went with a Beatrix Potter theme and tried to keep in gender neutral since we don't know if we will be blessed with a little girl or boy. I had so much fun shopping for things for the nursery. I am still collecting books whenever we go to Barnes and Nobels, I can't wait to be able to sit and read them with our child. Some of the cats decided to join in the pics as well! Hope you enjoy!

We are Licenced!

I emailed our case worker today to ask her a couple questions and she wrote back and informed us that we have been licenced for foster/adopt! We couldn't be happier. It feels like it has been an eternity since this has all began back in December but I guess it has actually all gone by pretty fast. We had our home study in the beginning of February but it took a while to actually complete that due to trying up a lot of the questions that the social worker had (man were they personal!). We also started the nursery and for the most part completed it.

My mom is helping with the window treatments and some blankets. She sprained her wrist so she can't use her digitizing machine right now but perhaps in a couple weeks. I will post pictures soon. I guess at this point we just wait for a match. Our case worker has been sending us profiles and although many of the children's stories just tug on our heart strings we feel that the little one(s) that is right for our family is still out there.

I feel so selfish because I want it all now. I want to open my email and see the profile and pic of our little one right this minute. With the spring coming and so many family events upcoming at both Sam's and mines unit's it gets a little depressing knowing that yet another year goes by without a little one of our own around. We hope and pray that our little one finds us soon!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Getting things rolling

Since the beginning of the month we have filled out and submitted our application, completed the health inspection, prepared for the fire inspection (hopefully that will be soon), and have attended one of two classes that are required through our agency (the other is on the 30th). It really feels like things are moving along I try to get everything done that the agency asks of us in hopes that the sooner I do it the sooner we become a family.

As the process drives on I have more and more conflicting emotions. I still feel somewhat robbed that we have not been able to have a biological child. I feel angry when I see parents that are abusing their children or do not seem to appreciate the gift that they have. I know in my heart I am meant to be a mommy but I sometimes wonder if I am truly ready for it. I remember having the same feelings when I was pregnant. We tried so hard to get to that point then I would freak out thinking how I was going to be responsible for someone else.

We are looking forward to February. We have been told that if we can get our fire inspection turned in soon that we could be on the list for a February home study which means that we could very well be approved by the end of Feb or beginning of March!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Making the decision

After 7 failed pregnancies and only receiving explanations from Dr's on half of them we have decided to adopt. Sure there is a chance we could still have our own biological child but how many times do our hearts have to break before they can start to fill with love. In 2009 we lost 3 babies.

In March of 2009 I was 16 weeks pregnant with our son Caleb. The Dr's realized that Caleb had a very severe case of Amniotic Band Syndrome and would never be able to live outside of me considering the amount of abnormalities that he had. On top of that the pregnancy was causing health issues for me and the Dr's said it was best to take him. That was the hardest day of my life. I really thought that Caleb was the one we were going to bring home. In a way we did. We found a wonderful funeral home in Houston that cremated him and he is now here at home with us in his beautiful urn sitting over the fire place.

In September I got pregnant again only to lose the baby at 5 weeks. Imagine my surprise when the very next month I got pregnant again. I had a good feeling about this one and everyone around us was sure that in July 2010 we would be bringing this baby home with us. I started getting a baby belly around 7-8 weeks which I was sure was a good sign that the little one was making room.

On Dec 17th at 10 weeks I just had a feeling something was wrong. I went into the Dr and they could not find a heartbeat. I was devastated. How could this be happening again, we did everything right this time. The next day I had the D&C, so much for a Merry Christmas.

Sam and I had talked about adoption before but when we inquired about it we were told that being dual military would not be a very desirable placement for a baby. This news was like a stabbing pain. If we could not have our own and we could not adopt until I got out of the Army in a couple years how would we become a family?

That last inquiry was back in 2008 and after bringing up the subject to Sam again we have decided to try to adopt again. This time we are going to try to adopt out of the foster care system here in Texas. We have already started working with an agency in Austin who does not think that our being in the military will negatively affect our chances of adopting. There is so much to do but we are ready.

I am excited to think that by this time next year we could be a family! We already have some practice with adoption. We currently have 5 fur babies (cats) that we have adopted over the years. We also do foster work for our local no-kill animal shelter and we have 2 fosters with us as well. I am hoping to find the fosters homes very soon so we can start to make room for a new child!